Hey folks - in honor of 2019 (a year that was, frankly, mostly shit for me) coming to a close, I thought I would share some cold, hard, chronic illness-related data analytics. That's right everybody, no cute comics or mushy, untrustworthy feelings here! We, as superior people who believe only in logic and facts and efficiency and data-driven decision making, prefer the things we read to be completely devoid of emotion or opinion. Truly, not only do we welcome the approaching robot overlords, we strive to become them. In all seriousness though, I understand that it can be difficult for people who are able-bodied to understand and quantify the impact of chronic illness. It is difficult to imagine the cost of chronic pain, nausea, exhaustion, fear, and needing to be near a toilet in case you have a sudden bout of explosive poops. Also there are jerk-people who discount subjective experiences and think everyone should "power through" (you know who you are). For that reason, I'm sharing very objective data here: counts of every health-related appointment and test I had done in 2019. Please think about the time and efficiency losses as you view the charts below. Without further ado, here are some infographics I put together to show the breakdown of appointments and tests I had done in 2019. Come with me on this magical fucking journey through the past year. Alright, well, obviously I do go to my social worker a bit. Medical check-ups are a close second though, and jeez, do those take a looooooooong time. As much as I sincerely love Saints Claudia and Lisa, if my body could just get its shit together and I could see them less frequently that'd be fucking fabulous. Obviously, medical professionals are super into taking my blood, which is not ideal because I am frightened of needles. Those 26 blood tests represent me suppressing an anxiety attack by whispering "Invictus" by William Ernest Henley 26 times. The imaging is zero fun as well, and also often included needles. Sometimes, they included ultrasound wands and/or (on one memorable occasion) some sort of cervix-opening-nightmare-crank being inserted into my privates. These also called for "Invictus" mutterings. Ok so, again, I see my social worker a lot. But beyond that - 8 is an upsetting number of times to have to go to the gynecologist in a year. Have you been to your sibling's home 8 times in the last year? How about your best friend's? Because let me tell you, I haven't, but maybe I'd have more time for socializing if I wasn't AT THE GYNECOLOGIST ALL THE GODDAMN TIME. Crap on a cracker, I could save a lot of time if I didn't have endometriosis. If you happen to be wondering about the high number of "other illness" tests, 3 of these were throat swabs/cultures for suspected strep (negative), a few were vitamin D tests (my vitamin D levels are always low even though I take 4000 units a day - I seem to have some absorption issue), and the rest were testing me for things I didn't end up having (like thyroid or liver problems). Thank you for accepting this quantifiable data into your information processor made of electricity and wet meat. Eventually your meat will be phased out because, as these charts have made evident, it is highly prone to malfunction. Beep boop. Fine print disclaimers about this data:
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Grace Daly
I'm young, hot, and have multiple chronic illnesses. Come with me on this magical fucking journey. Archives
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